If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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