Pants 0. Shit 1.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
