walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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