you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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