Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
