you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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