it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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