While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize