Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
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I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
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I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm experimenting with sincerity
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize