3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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