shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
