the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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