I can't watch pbs sober anymore
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
