So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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