This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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