How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
