I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
