he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i will never coherently bang her
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hippo gnu deer
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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