My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
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Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
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Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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