I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
