The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
