a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
