apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
