so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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