i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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