I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
