Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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