Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
