I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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