Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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