I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
