After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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