just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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