i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
