the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
