Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
