So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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