Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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