FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The best revenge is premature balding
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize