Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
