Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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