You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Green mimosas i think yes
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
