I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she looked like the before picture.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
