i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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