omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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