She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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