College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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