you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
