haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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