OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
