If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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