Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
