Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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