my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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