Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
