i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
