dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
