drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
