I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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