the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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