Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
