He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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