I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Drunk is not a location!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
