We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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