dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
