So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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