I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
