I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
