So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
