I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
