Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
