My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
