Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
