Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
