I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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