Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
COCAINE IS GR8
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
