i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
