He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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