I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
