She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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