the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
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Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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