also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
